Jalen Hurts Is Transferring To The Univ. of Texas – Norman

in Sports

Jalen Hurts announced, via an article he wrote on The Players’ Tribune, his intentions to transfer from Alabama to Oklahoma to (likely) take over as starting quarterback this fall.

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I’m Pretty Sure Adam Gase Was Coked The Fuck Out For His Press Conference

in Sports

As the years pass, I’m starting to think that the New England Patriots’ incredible success over the last two decades is really due in large part of being blessed to play in the clown-college conference that is the AFC East.

Case in point, the New York Jets introduced ex-Miami Dolphins retread Adam Gase as their new head coach and man, did he look coked out of his fucking mind.

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What The Fuck Was That?

in RGV/The News
Trump McAllen

Long ago, I worked for a large corporate chain (let’s just assume that I was a janitor) and I remember this time when our CEO was set to visit. The months leading up to that visit, we had hundreds of lower-tiered executives from all over the region we were assigned to descend onto our location. Countless hours, money, and man-power went into preparing for this visit so that everything would go off without a hitch.

Soon enough, the big day had finally arrived. The CEO waltzed in to take a quick tour, shook some hands and stood in for some photo-ops. Just as they planned: everything about that visit was spot-on perfect.

And all I remember thinking was, “what a fucking a waste.”

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Reminder: Judge “Gin and Juice” Nora Longoria Wants Your Vote On Election Day

in RGV/The News
Judge nora longoria dwi mugshot
Judge nora longoria dwi mugshot

Remember that Judge that got pulled over for DWI? Well, she’s running for office again, so now would be a great time to refresh our memory on the absolute shit-show that was Judge Nora Longoria’s DWI arrest and every rat-assed event that followed.

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Six Whole-Ass Valley News Sites and None of Them Had a Unique Thought on Last Night’s Debate

in RGV/The News
Cruz Beto Debate Valley News

After a hotly contested, final debate in one of the most anticipated Senate races in recent history between Senator Ted Cruz and Congressman Beto O’Rourke, KRGV, KGBT-Valley Central, The Monitor, The Valley Morning Star, The Brownsville Herald, and the Rio Grande Guardian woke up this morning with a real chance to add their own unique reporting on last night’s events and all of them just said ‘fuck it.’ Keep Reading

2018 Worst RGV High School Football Teams Week 1

in RGV/Sports
2018 Worst RGV Football Teams Week 1

While we already have PLENTY of rankings of the top teams in the Valley from the Monitor, RGV Sports, (S)TD Dave, etc. the Bench Wire believes that EVERYONE needs their chance in the spotlight…even our comically terrible teams.

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Manu Ginobili Was a Wizard

in Sports
manu ginobili

With the announcement of his retirement earlier today, it’s easy to assume that Manu Ginobili’s professional career will mostly be remembered for his contributions to the Spurs’ four championships as a member of San Antonio’s “Big Three” including Tim Duncan and Tony Parker and that’s really unfortunate. Summing his career like that is an incredibly criminal understatement because Manu was so much more. Manu was a wizard. Keep Reading

UIL Denying Transfers For Athletic Purposes Is Bullshit

in RGV/Sports

On August 14th, a committee of adults decided the fate of a teenager, one of whom would have had zero tangible consequence to any of the members of said committee, because the University Interscholastic League bylaws for transfers are utter bullshit. Keep Reading

Mission Ex-Mayor Beto Salinas Vs. New Mayor Gets A Trial; Will Be A Shitshow

in RGV/The News
ex mission mayor norberto beto salinas

A trial date has been set for September 24th for a lawsuit filed back on July 18th by Ex-Mayor of Mission Beto Salinas who has accused the newly elected mayor, Dr. Armando O’Caña of voter fraud and a bunch of other shady dealings. Keep Reading

KGBT Channel 4 Covered A Journalist Eating An Egg Off The Ground

in RGV/The News
kgbt channel 4 covers anchor eating floor egg

I’d imagine that working in local news is a pain in the ass. You need to fill up hours per day with all kinds of shit and yesterday, KGBT Channel 4 did their absolute best.

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