Sports, News, Opinion

Monthly archive

July 2015

Miguel Herrera Fired As Mexico National Soccer Team Coach

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Miguel Herrera has been fired as coach of the Mexican National Soccer Team for punching some journalist dude in the neck on Sunday.

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VIDEO: Tom Brady Smashing Phone With Ballghazi Scandal Evidence

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Video exclusively obtained by The Bench Wire CLEARLY shows Tom Brady and Bill Belichick SMASHING their phones to rid them of ballghazi evidence, quite possibly while they were both high. As it’s been reported, the NFL has upheld Brady’s original 4 game suspension. Hulk smashing evidence couldn’t have helped.

Bad Ideas For When It’s Hot As Balls In The Valley

in Rants/RGV by
rgv valley hot sun

It’s hot. You know this. I know this. Tim Smith can shove it. “Well, looks like it’s gonna be annuuuuuuther steamer outside!” Just stop. With weather like this, I don’t know how cool weather and lack of sunlight can make anyone depressed. I’m calling bullshit on seasonal affective disorder because I can not remember feeling better about my outlook on life, going outside to 100 degree heat and thinking “Gosh, I love how the suns rays are making my skin cry tears of joy ALL OVER my body! I LOVE you, my scorching hot devil ball of pain 🙂 🙂 ! ”


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Madden Trolls Seattle Seahawks With Brutal Tweet

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madden seattle seahawks new england patriots

Every year, a month or so before the game is release, Madden teases it’s cult following by releasing the roster for their upcoming release. The Seattle Seahawks thought that human terminator and running back Marshawn Lynch got jipped on his “trucking” rating.

USA Women’s Basketball Loses To Canada or Why Is Our Hat Playing Basketball?

in Sports by
Canada Pan Am Games Basketball

The USA Women’s Basketball team lost to Canada 81-73 last night making it the 2nd Gold medal game in a row that our countrymen have lost to the wild-lings north of the wall. Before we start freaking out, let me put this in better prospective. Again, for those of you not in the know, the Pan-Am games are going on in Toronto? Edmonton? Vancouver? Yeah…maybe it’s Vancouver. Anyway, also take note that none of our national teams are exactly our “A-Teams” since pro sports leagues are actually being played out right now. But sucks to lose at anything to our annoyingly polite hat.

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Gawker Senior Editors Resign

in About Us/The News by

Gawker Media Executive Editor Tommy Craggs and Gawker Editor-in-Chief Max Read have both resigned in response to Gawker Media’s chicken shit play to remove a post concerning sub-human slutbag Conde Nast CFO David Geithner.

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Canada Beats USA Baseball or Why Is Our Hat Playing Baseball?

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canada usa baseball pan american games

For those not in the know, and why would you be(?), the 2015 Pan American games are happening. Right now. Up in Canada. WHO KNEW?! Finding this out the other night was the equivalent of me finding a few crumpled up dollar bills in my dryer that fell out of my jean pockets. Good feelings.

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Gawker Takes Down Story Because They Are Not The Bench Wire

in The News by

Gawker Media has removed their story of David Geithner, CFO of Conde Nest (who publishes GQ, Vanity Fair), and brother of Ex-Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, offering $2500 for a night with a gay porn star.

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