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August 2015

The Bench Wire 2015 NFL Preview

in Rants/Sports by
NFL football

IT’S HERE! When one off-season passes you think, “There’s no way next year can be just as bad.” The NFL, it’s players, it’s owners, are all gifts that continue to give all through the Spring and Summer as we wait for another season to kick off. From bloodied children to mass exoduses, the NFL off-season reminds us that some of these fast giants are weird fucking people. But none of it matters now.

it’s fucking go time.

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Mexico Names Tigres Ricardo Ferretti Interim Coach

in Sports by
ricardo ferretti

The Mexican national soccer team has named current UANL Tigres coach and human brillo pad Ricardo “Tuca” Ferretti as interim coach after Mexico’s previous manager, Miguel Herrera, got himself canned after punching some dude in the neck.

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McAllen DEA Agent Charged With Child Porn

in RGV/The News by
dea

FBI and federal court documents confirm that McAllen DEA Agent James Patrick Burke has been charged with accessing child pornography after FBI raided his home on Friday.

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John Wall Is The Saddest Man

in Sports by
john wall sad

Team USA wrapped up their minicamp in Las Vegas last week to prep for the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio next August. When asked about his chances for making the 12-man roster, John Wall kinda cut the bullshit and laid it out flat.

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Courtroom Sketch Tom Brady Will Murder You Tonight

in Sports by
tom brady courtroom sketch

Courtroom Sketch Artist and nightmare enthusiast Jane Rosenberg does not see Tom Brady the way we see Tom Brady. Today, while sketching for the hearing held in New York Federal Court for Brady’s civil case against Roger Goodell, Rosenberg decided to pen a molten demon monster in lieu of the plaintiff.

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Who’s Ready For The Republican Debate Tonight?

in Rants/The News by
republican debate 2016 trump

The stiff talking heads of the GOP will be on display on stage for the first time this election cycle and, by God, it’s gonna to be wonderful.

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Announced: Floyd Mayweather vs. Andre Berto

in Sports by
mayweather berto

Floyd Mayweather announced via Facebook that he will face Andre Berto on September 12th at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas.

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Hero Bro Simulates 1000 Years In Football Manager

in Sports by
chelsea football manager

Life takes too long. Every year, we have to wait and watch another team win a Superbowl or dominate an NBA Finals or whatever. We wait a whole off-season, analyze a draft, go through pre- then regular then post- seasons to wait for ANOTHER champion. Repeat. Too long of a wait.

That’s why God invented self-simulating video games. Genius and reddit user Lorf_Yimzo recently posted his report on what he’s calling “The Millennial Sim,” the end result after he simulated 1000 years on Football Manager.

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