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April 2016

Vicente Gonzalez Is Going To Buy This Election Because Fuck You

in The News by

Vicente Gonzalez, a cardboard cut-out who wants you to know that he exists, has now spent over $1.6 million dollars for the right to be named our US Representative. So, let’s talk about that for a second. Keep Reading

JaMarcus Russell Really, Really Wants To Play Again

in Sports by
jamarcus russell.0

In probably the saddest story you’ll read about today, former #1 pick JaMarcus Russell is scrapping the bottom of every barrel he has in front of him to get himself back into the league. The ex-Oakland Raiders QB recently told Sports Illustrated that he would “play for free” for any team that gave him a shot.
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The Bench Wire Hater’s Guide To The Valley: Brownsville

in Rants/RGV by

The Valley is one of a kind when it comes to diversity. From the racist white people, the country-wannabes, the ghetto Hispanics, the snobby Mexicans from Monterrey and the token black person in between. With all that diversity and culture mixing all over, visiting the Valley might be a little overwhelming. Not to worry, tourist: The Bench Wire is here to help.

We meant to drive to South Padre Island but missed the TX-100 exit and ended up in a 2nd world country instead. Welcome to Brownsville.
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