JD

There’s Literally Only One Path Left For LeBron To Be The GOAT

After playing 18 seasons in the NBA, there really isn’t much left to discuss. Cutting through the opinions about his free-agent orchestrations, the “decision,” the “not one – not two,” and even his politics, LeBron James, by all accounts that matter, is the 2nd greatest player who ever picked up a basketball. Period.
Keep Reading

Here’s the Wack-Ass Rap Video with the Edinburg PD Officer

/

Yesterday, we published a polished timeline of the events surrounding the scandal involving Edinburg police chief, Cesar Torres, and one particular event caught our eye.

Keep Reading

Here’s a Better Version of The Monitor’s Timeline of The Edinburg Police Chief Scandal

/

Earlier this week, The Monitor’s latest iteration “myrgv.com” posted a timeline of the scandal involving Edinburg Police Chief, Cesar Torres. As with most articles written by the journalists on myrgv.com, it took me all of about 3 minutes to suffer an aneurism. For the sake of clarity and to save the rest of the reading public from losing their minds attempting to make sense of this mess, here’s our version of this juicy, albeit very stupid, scandal.

Keep Reading

The Bench Wire’s Hater’s Guide to the First Round of the 2021 NFL Draft

The First Round of the 2021 NFL Draft is airing tonight live from LeBron’s ex-toilet. Will the 49ers select Mac Jones? Where will Justin Fields land? Will Roger Goodell be more blitzed than last year? Will Todd McShay and Mel Kiper make out? WHO KNOWS!?

Keep Reading

Every Sexual Harassment Suit Filed Against Deshuan Watson (Updated)

/

Houston Texans all-world quarterback, Deshaun Watson has been named as a defendant in 13 different lawsuits brought by 16 different plaintiff women, all alleging that Deshaun Watson committed unwanted sexual advances against each of them.

The attorney representing all 16 women, Houston’s Tony Buzbee, has already hinted that there are still more lawsuits that could potentially be filed in Harris County, where the plaintiffs currently live and/or where the alleged unwanted sexual advances occurred.

In the interest of keeping everyone up to speed, we’ve decided to make a running database of each lawsuit and their allegations.

Keep Reading

Racist High School Announcer Calls Team “Fucking Nig—s” on Broadcast For Kneeling During National Anthem

/

A high school basketball announcer in Oklahoma was caught on a hot mic calling the girls basketball team from Norman High School “fucking niggers” for kneeling in protest during the national anthem prior to their game on Thursday.

Keep Reading

Let’s Rate The McAllen City Election Campaign Signs

It’s campaign season in McAllen, which means your eyes get to be polluted by all sorts of campaign signs in hopes of attracting you enough to even, you know, actually give a shit vote. Let’s be real: I don’t think anybody on or running for the McAllen city commission is going to give me the time of day to interview them on their policies, so we’re offering up the next best thing!
Keep Reading

Committee: School Song ‘The Eyes of Texas’ “Intent…Was Not Overtly Racist”

/

A committee commissioned by the University of Texas – Austin in November 2020 to explore the history and potential racial undertones of the school’s alma mater, “The Eyes of Texas” has concluded that its “intent…was not overtly racist,” and has also outlined broader strategies to better educate students on inclusion as well as commissioning a “special orchestration of “The Eyes” with (a) version composed or performed by a Black musician.”
Keep Reading

Weslaco Hero Signs “Fuck You” On His Traffic Ticket; Gets Arrested

/

Local Weslaco resident and newly christened hero, Gabriel Palomo, spent Saturday night in county after signing “Fuck You” on the traffic ticket he received from Progreso PD.
Keep Reading

TBW Useless Stats: Which College Does Each NFL Team Draft From The Most?

Which player has the most career home runs? Who has the single-season passing touchdown record? Which country has won the most World Cups?

These are just some of the most mainstream, widely known stats in sports; but why settle for mainstream sports stats (yuck!) when you can impress your friends with USELESS STATS?! Nothing else screams “my life is definitely not an empty shell and I am certainly an interesting person” like interjecting a sports discussion with some of the most useless, trivial stats ever compiled.

Strap in and get ready for the Elias Sports Bureau to eat your ass with this knowledge thanks to your friends at The Bench Wire!

Keep Reading

1 2 3 30