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Worst RGV High School Football Teams: Week 1

in Rants/Sports
Worst RGV Teams

While we already have PLENTY of rankings of the top teams in the Valley from the Monitor, RGV Sports, (S)TD Dave, etc. the Bench Wire believes that EVERYONE needs their chance in the spotlight…even our comically terrible teams.

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The Bench Wire 2015 NFL Preview

in Rants/Sports
NFL football

IT’S HERE! When one off-season passes you think, “There’s no way next year can be just as bad.” The NFL, it’s players, it’s owners, are all gifts that continue to give all through the Spring and Summer as we wait for another season to kick off. From bloodied children to mass exoduses, the NFL off-season reminds us that some of these fast giants are weird fucking people. But none of it matters now.

it’s fucking go time.

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Who’s Ready For The Republican Debate Tonight?

in Rants/The News
republican debate 2016 trump

The stiff talking heads of the GOP will be on display on stage for the first time this election cycle and, by God, it’s gonna to be wonderful.

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Bad Ideas For When It’s Hot As Balls In The Valley

in Rants/RGV
rgv valley hot sun

It’s hot. You know this. I know this. Tim Smith can shove it. “Well, looks like it’s gonna be annuuuuuuther steamer outside!” Just stop. With weather like this, I don’t know how cool weather and lack of sunlight can make anyone depressed. I’m calling bullshit on seasonal affective disorder because I can not remember feeling better about my outlook on life, going outside to 100 degree heat and thinking “Gosh, I love how the suns rays are making my skin cry tears of joy ALL OVER my body! I LOVE you, my scorching hot devil ball of pain 🙂 🙂 ! ”


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What To Do On The Day Without Sports

in Rants/Sports
the day without sports

For those not in the know, the MLB All-Star Game, like all others, tacks on a day of rest after the game is played for players to travel back to their respective teams. Since Baseball is the only major sport being televised, we subsequently get one day where no major sporting competitions are aired. Thus, this July 15th will be…

The Day Without Sports. (cue *blood curling scream* here).

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Sacramento Kings Fans, Please Fire Your Owner

in Rants/Sports
Vivek Ranadive Sacramento Kings Owner

Chris Webber. Peja Stojakovic. Mike Bibby. Vlade Divak. To a 14 year-old Mavericks fan like I was, their names may as well had been Boogie-Man, Demon, Satan, and well…Vlade. THESE were the Sacramento Kings. Good for 100 a night, put your paycheck on it. I hated them. I hated them because they were GOOD. I hated how their fans would bang those stupid cowbells, and I hated that they couldn’t kill the Lakers when they had the chance.

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The Bench Wire Hater’s Guide: UTRGV Mascots

in Rants
Bucky is dead

Mascots UTRGV Could Have Used and Why They All Sucked (Yes, Including Bucky)

So, we’re about a few months into the Vaquero / UTRGV era, leaving thousands of UTPA alumni (and maybe 3 from UTB? Maybe?) still crying foul over their new mascot, calling for the dissolving of the Board of Regents, and for Guy Bailey’s head on a pike.

Most of the crowd fervor comes from the board of regents/Guy Bailey recommending and subsequently selecting a mascot that was not one of the 10 student-survey finalists that was posted on the UT system website. Taking a quick glance of the finalist list and you really couldn’t have gotten THAT upset for Guy Bailey going off the grid. I mean, when you’re given a list THAT shitty to choose from, and if you have the power to make up for that list, then fucking do it. It’s like if you were to ask your kids for a list of suggestions they wanna eat this week. Try it. They’ll probably write down things like “Cake” or “Pizza” or “Chocolate.” As a parent, you have a responsibility to not listen to your kids dumb shit suggestions and choose things that are in your kids’ best interest.

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