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The News

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Let’s Photoshop Hidalgo County Commissioner Joseph Palacios’ Weird Campaign Sign

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Hidalgo County Commissioner for Pct. 4, Joseph Palacios, is running for re-election and I can’t NOT look at his severely awkward campaigns signs. Keep Reading

Advance News Journal Has A Lot Of Questions; No Answers, Apparently

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On my morning commute, I spotted a homeless man starting a fire underneath the underpass to warm himself from our recent cold front. His combustible material of choice? Wednesday’s edition of Advance News Journal of course! See, it actually burns much longer than most papers because it’s actually covered with shit. As I happened to spot the latest edition’s headlines, I nearly fell into an existential crisis; transported into a reality where a front cover of a (news)paper could ask so many questions and answer literally none of them.

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RIP Gamehaus; McAllen Bar To Close By The End of The Month

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Gamehaus

According to an agreed judgment filed in Hidalgo County’s 332nd District Court, Gamehaus has agreed to cease operations after December 31st of this year, ending a nearly two-year long legal battle with the City of McAllen. Keep Reading

Nobody, Not Even Roy Moore’s Accusers, Will Win

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roy-moore-alabama-hat

At the time of this writing, former Alabama Supreme Court Justice and Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore stands accused of sexual misconduct from five different women and when the dust finally settles, everybody including the GOP, Moore, his accusers, other victims of sexual assault, the voters, will have all lost. Keep Reading

Univision and Vicente Gonzalez Fucked Up Royally; Claimed Church Killer Was 4Chan Meme

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US Rep Vicente Gonzalez

In the wake of Sunday morning’s tragedy where a gunman opened fire during a morning service at First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs, Texas, killing 26 men, women, and children, news outlets sought reactions of various congressmen to help fill in airtime. In this instance, While Univision had first-year representative, and known Popeyes distributor, Vicente Gonzalez on a live telecast, Univision’s anchor broke the news to the world, and unsuspecting Gonazlez, that the killer was none other than Sam Hyde. Keep Reading

McAllen City Commission Finally Eats The Dick; Passes Smoking Ban

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McAllen City Commission Eats The Dick

On Monday evening, the McAllen City Commission passed an ordinance effectively banning smoking from all public places and most private establishmentsNo, let me try that lede again.

On Monday evening, the McAllen City Commission communed together for a grand feast, culminating from months of preparation thanks to some wet blanket and this pretentious email. On the menu for the evening? THE Dick, and the city commission just swallowed it whole. Keep Reading

Donna Mayoral Candidate Forgets He Doesn’t Actually Live In Donna; Get’s Disqualified

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Jose Ernesto Lugo Jr. had announced his intentions to run for Mayor of Donna back in early June, joining three others vying for the same spot. After months of campaigning and fundraising and customizing fancy polo shirts, the City of Donna has disqualified him from November’s mayoral race because Lugo seemingly forgot that he didn’t live within Donna city limits.

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PSYCH! Brownsville Shitty Commissioner Cesar De Leon Won’t Resign After All

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Cesar De Leon

WELP! The City of Brownsville spokeswoman Roxanna Rosas has stated that embattled Brownsville City Commissioner At Large “A” Cesar De Leon has rescinded his letter of resignation that he had submitted to the city just four days ago. This will be our fourth story covering this dip-shit and I’m already sick of it. Keep Reading

Video: Miami Dolphins Coach Snorting Cocaine (Update)

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Video has surfaced online of Miami Dolphins Offensive Line Coach Chris Foerster snorting a ton of cocaine at the Dolphins facilities right before heading into a team meeting. Keep Reading

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