The News

Clayton’s Owner, Clayton Brashear, Defends Booking Child Sex Offender Tekashi69; Is a Shitbag

Published on February 16, 2018 in RGV/The News by JD

Like most people, I tend to stay away from SPI during spring break simply because I don’t want to contract gonorrhea. I also avoid Clayton’s as much as possible because $10 for an ass-can margarita and a bullshit $5 “cooler charge” to access the beach behind their building (when they closed off the access to the side of their building) doesn’t quite do it for me. So, when I think about Clayton’s owner (whom I’ve never actually met) I imagine a shitbag who would do anything to squeeze out another dollar. I also, however, try to give people the benefit of the doubt (maybe he isn’t a bag of shit?).

However, after the widespread backlash Clayton’s had received for booking a known child sex offender in Tekashi69 this Spring Break, and Clayton’s subsequent moronic defense of his booking, it’s safe to say that Clayton Brashear is, in fact, the shitbag I thought he was all along. Keep Reading

Congratulations, Brownsville. You Are The Unhealthiest City In America

Published on February 13, 2018 in RGV/The News by JD

Yesterday, WalletHub released the findings of their study of the healthiest cities in the United States, comparing the top 174 most populated U.S. cities among metrics such as access to affordable healthcare, fruit and vegetable consumption, and fitness clubs per capita. In true Brownsville fashion, the oft-forgotten residents who only pop back into our memory once something goes (and it always does) terribly wrong for them, found themselves ranked dead last in the Wallethub rankings claiming the title as America’s Unhealthiest City. Keep Reading

Even Elon Musk Knows That Nobody Actually Lives In Brownsville

Published on February 11, 2018February 11, 2018 in RGV/The News by JD

Elon Musk, billionaire boy who just tripped balls after having launched a God-damn car into space, took a minute to completely shit all over the non-existent people who live (or don’t?) just a few miles over in the outskirts of Brownsville. Keep Reading

McAllen’s Tim Wilkins Is Running One Weird Campaign

Published on January 3, 2018January 5, 2018 in RGV/The News by JD

A little after McAllen City Commissioner Richard Cortez announced that he would be running for the vacant Hidalgo County Judge seat against Eloy Pulido, three candidates have thrown their name into the ring to step in and replace Cortez; none of which have had a more bat-shit campaign than Tim Wilkins. Keep Reading

KGBT Channel 4 ValleyCentral Is Running A Story That Is Basically An Ad

Published on January 2, 2018January 5, 2018 in RGV/The News by JD

If you peruse through ValleyCentral.com, you’ll notice that one of their latest stories is headlined “Southwest Airlines offering flights as low as $59,” which, on its face may be newsworthy, but once you click on the link, the post is void of any journalistic input and kinda looks like a paid advertisement. Keep Reading

Let’s Photoshop Hidalgo County Commissioner Joseph Palacios’ Weird Campaign Sign

Published on December 11, 2017December 11, 2017 in RGV/The News by JD

Hidalgo County Commissioner for Pct. 4, Joseph Palacios, is running for re-election and I can’t NOT look at his severely awkward campaigns signs. Keep Reading

Advance News Journal Has A Lot Of Questions; No Answers, Apparently

Published on December 7, 2017December 7, 2017 in RGV/The News by JD

On my morning commute, I spotted a homeless man starting a fire underneath the underpass to warm himself from our recent cold front. His combustible material of choice? Wednesday’s edition of Advance News Journal of course! See, it actually burns much longer than most papers because it’s actually covered with shit. As I happened to spot the latest edition’s headlines, I nearly fell into an existential crisis; transported into a reality where a front cover of a (news)paper could ask so many questions and answer literally none of them.

Keep Reading

RIP Gamehaus; McAllen Bar To Close By The End of The Month

Published on December 6, 2017December 6, 2017 in RGV/The News by JD

According to an agreed judgment filed in Hidalgo County’s 332nd District Court, Gamehaus has agreed to cease operations after December 31st of this year, ending a nearly two-year long legal battle with the City of McAllen. Keep Reading

Nobody, Not Even Roy Moore’s Accusers, Will Win

Published on November 14, 2017November 14, 2017 in Rants/The News by JD

At the time of this writing, former Alabama Supreme Court Justice and Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore stands accused of sexual misconduct from five different women and when the dust finally settles, everybody including the GOP, Moore, his accusers, other victims of sexual assault, the voters, will have all lost. Keep Reading

Univision and Vicente Gonzalez Fucked Up Royally; Claimed Church Killer Was 4Chan Meme

Published on November 6, 2017 in RGV/The News by JD

In the wake of Sunday morning’s tragedy where a gunman opened fire during a morning service at First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs, Texas, killing 26 men, women, and children, news outlets sought reactions of various congressmen to help fill in airtime. In this instance, While Univision had first-year representative, and known Popeyes distributor, Vicente Gonzalez on a live telecast, Univision’s anchor broke the news to the world, and unsuspecting Gonazlez, that the killer was none other than Sam Hyde. Keep Reading