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kirk chaisson

Channel 5’s Kirk Chaisson Arrested…Again

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The Valley’s favorite faded reporter, Kirk Chaisson was arrested Wednesday night in Weslaco for fleeing the scene of an accident. KRGV, unsurprisingly, had the scoop:

Weslaco police said he failed to yield the right of when pulling out of the Blue Onion parking lot Wednesday. Another vehicle hit him.

Officers said he drove to a nearby Burger King and returned to the Blue Onion, where he stopped his car. He wasn’t parked correctly. According to police, he spoke to people in the other car involved in the accident and said he needed to use the restroom. He walked into the Blue Onion and didn’t return. His car was left at the restaurant.

Our take on this incident is that Chaisson was probably blazed as fuck when he crashed and in whatever sense he had left in him, ran away to buy enough time to sober up knowing he’d be in deep shit for violating his probation.

As we all remember, Chaisson was arrested last year for possession of marijuana.

In all likelihood, he’ll probably be fired by KRGV before the week’s out, so I guess this is our shot to recruit Chaisson to work for us at The Bench Wire.

Kirk, I don’t care how many times you get arrested while working with us. As a matter of fact, if you do sign on with us, you’d be contractually obligated to show up to work faded as fuck every day. You are exactly the kind of talent we need to hire to make The Bench Wire great. A guy who’s irresponsible enough to get arrested twice, but cunning enough to make sure he didn’t violate his probation directly. I’ll start you off with a stipend of 1 lb of the best maui wowie a month. Deal?

Let’s make this happen, Kirk.

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