While we already have PLENTY of rankings of the top teams in the Valley from the Monitor, RGV Sports, (S)TD Dave, etc. the Bench Wire believes that EVERYONE needs their chance in the spotlight…even our comically terrible teams.
YOUU GUYSSS!!!! We only have two more games after this! =( Still plenty of time to get out of the suck! For the first time, we have an additional 6th team!!!!!
These are the RGV’s worst 5 teams of the week:
#5 (Tie) Edinburg Bobcats (1-7) – In the week we were off the Bobcats managed to win a game! (YAY!) but also got themselves brought right back down to reality with another stomping the following week. This week’s bully was Economedes. You know your program has hit rock bottom when Economedes is blowing you out. That is the litmus test for bad teams. When head coaches get evaluated, I’m sure the AD looks for that Economedes game, and if it’s got an “L,” you know that coach is gone. Today, they’ll venture out to Atlantis, formerly known as Weslaco before God decided to find Noah, to get beat up by the Panthers’ little brother. FUN!
#5 (Tie) Brownsville Pace Vikings (1-6) – It’s a birthright to have a Brownsville school permanently cemented in the lower tier of Valley teams, and Pace is doing that they can to make sure it stays that way. After allowing Donna North to end the Valley’s longest current losing streak, I’m going to safely say that there’s NO way we’re letting them out of the bottom 5. They could win their next 2 games by a combined score of 1000000 to 0 and I’d still keep them on here.
#4 PSJA Memorial Wolverines (2-6) – Sure the Wolverines won 2 games, but those two wins came against Juarez-Lincoln, whose school name makes it seem like someone on the La Joya school board lost some sort of bet, and PSJA High, a fellow bottom 5 team. Since their 2-0 start, the Wolverines have lost 5 straight against, you know, real teams. When i think of Alamo, which is never but whatever, I have a growing theory that Alamo might just be some sort of hologram that only exists when people pass through it on the expressway. I mean, think about it, have YOU ever gotten off on an Alamo exit before? No, because you’re alive. If anyone did get off on an Alamo exit then they’d create a glitch in the hologram…and that’s where déjà vu comes from. The Matrix was based on Alamo. It all makes sense.
#3 Progreso Red Ants (1-6) – My my, Progreso. What are we ever going to do with you guys? The Red Ants have been outscored 100 – 10 in their last two games. But what would the world look like without the Red Ants? How would coaches know what rock bottom looks like? Who would help PI tune up before they make another deep run into the post season? That’s Progreso’s destiny. There’s no Harlem Globetrotters without the Washington Generals. The Progreso Red Ants are cursed to be the loveable doormat that gets dunked on every now and again.
#2 Pharr Oratory Ocelots (0-5) – Bye: They close out their season against the men-children Brandon Weedens of Marine Military Academy. GOOD LUCK!
#1 PSJA Bears (0-8) – After careful and thoughtful consideration, I can no longer justify that the PSJA Bears not be crowned the Valley’s worst team. They’re the only team to go 0-8 this year, a record that won’t be matched (mercifully) by Pharr Oratory. I jokingly talked about Edinburg not making it to 100 points this season; this might actually happen to this football team. If they lose tonight to Porter, I will personally buy a ticket to their last game against Donna North so I can have front row tickets to the destruction of the universe.
Dropped Out: Donna North Chiefs
