The Valley is one of a kind when it comes to diversity. From the racist white people, the country-wannabes, the ghetto Hispanics, the snobby Mexicans from Monterrey and the token black person in between. With all that diversity and culture mixing all over, visiting the Valley might be a little overwhelming. Not to worry, tourist: The Bench Wire is here to help.
We took a trip to Mile 5 for some tacos and all we got was a mouthful of disappointment. Welcome To Mission.
A job posting, originally posted over 30 days ago, searching for local male dancers/performers has recently made the rounds in the valley meme-sphere, prompting locals to wonder “Is the Valley finally (FINALLY!) getting a male strip club?” Of course, naturally, this was the type of rock-hard journalism that has aroused our journalistic instincts and left us eagerly probing deeper and deeper into the story. If the Valley was, indeed, getting its first den of dongs, you bet The Bench Wire would be all over it like a dog on a bone, ready to gobble up every inch of the juicy, moist details.
Penis.
In celebration of The Monitor’s annual Readers’ Choice, celebrating the businesses who probably paid some Indian company or a bot to submit 2,000 votes for them in some sad vanity project, we’ve decided to allow our readers to use their voice and crown who they think are the worst of the worst in the RGV for 2024!
The City of Harlingen is drowning in car washes, or perhaps in the soapy car wash water runoff, who knows!? One things for certain, they’ve just about had it with the wave (pun very much intended) of car washes .
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Today, UTRGV formally announced that their newly acquired stadium would be renamed the Robert and Janet Vackar Stadium and, by God, they couldn’t even give “UTRGV Stadium” or even “Vaqueros Stadium” a fucking month before they let companies jizz their name all over it.
Yesterday, SB 4, the controversial Texas law that would make illegal entry into the United States a state crime, and allow local police to arrest those under the suspicion of being in the United States illegally, and allow state judges to effectively deport persons convicted, briefly went into effect before the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals blocked it, again, late last night.
Given SB 4’s impact on the community, KRGV’s Rudy Mireles took to Facebook to express his frustration with local Rio Grande Valley law enforcement for not providing any comments regarding SB 4 to KRGV or any other local news outlet but, instead, provided comments to “national news” outlets.
US Congressman Vicente Gonzalez, a Valley Democrat, compared Hispanic Trump supporters to “Jews for Hitler,” during an interview in a recent article for The New Republic.
“To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come.”
Every offseason, even the most pessimistic of fans can dream about what next season may look like. For UTRGV basketball fans, the merciful death of this nightmare of a season can’t come soon enough.
First time voting? Don’t know what the hell everyone’s voting for today? No problem. Your friends at The Bench Wire got you covered.
We’re still a over a year and a half before UTRGV football plays their first meaningful snap of football, but now that the roster is beginning to fill out, let’s take a closer look at the Vaqueros QB signees.