2016 RGV Worst High School Football Teams Week 4
While we already have PLENTY of rankings of the top teams in the Valley from the Monitor, RGV Sports, (S)TD Dave, etc. the Bench Wire believes that EVERYONE needs their chance in the spotlight…even our comically terrible teams.
No update on the Bobcats vs. Guerra scoreboard due to both teams having a Bye week last week. Palmview bounced themselves out by not losing a 2nd straight Shit-bowl.
These are the RGV’s worst 5 teams of the week:
#5 Brownsville Pace (0-3) L 14-21 Palmview – Normally, I’d plummet the loser of a shit bowl straight to the bottom, but Pace is fortunate that the rest of the teams on this list are historically bad statistically. None-the-less, Pace carries the suck torch for Brownsville ISD for now as it did last year, and by the looks of it, there’s no where to go but down.
#4 Progreso Red Ants (0-3) L 31-12 Hebbronville After breaking the physics of the universe last week, Progreso followed up nicely with a 19 point disasterpiece against the Hebbronville Longhorns. I don’t know whether to be surprised or not surprised that Progreso’s stat sheet is always readily available while other bigger schools aren’t. I’m gonna chalk it up to the interest of studying what a universally bad team looks like on paper.
#3 Marine Military Academy Leathernecks (0-4) L 26-15 Pettus – Pettus isn’t a real school. I don’t even have to look that up to know that. It wouldn’t be that far-fetched to imagine that the Department of Defense would pour money into a training simulation that teaches our young marines to lose, a sort of X-Men Danger Room of sorts. Next week’s hologram is Kaufer, who I’m sure will come prepared with sentinels.
#2 PSJA Memorial Wolverines (0-3) Bye – God saved them from being one of the first few 0-4 teams in the Valley, but it gave them no opportunity to help bring themselves up from offensive obscurity. Currently, they boast the worst offense in the Valley scoring a putrid 2.33 ppg. To answer how well my sex life is going, it will be nearly a month since the Wolverines last scored when they take the field on Friday against PSJA North.
#1 Raymondville BearKATS (0-4) L 45-20 St. Joseph It was brought to my attention that Raymondville’s mascot is actually spelled “BearKATS” and I can’t for the life of me figure out why their community would do that. Did they think it was funny? Why didn’t they just go all the way and call themselves the “Krazy BearCATZZ?” SO MANY QUESTIONS! After getting mauled by St. Joseph last week, the Bearkats have now dug themselves deep enough to be our worst team in the RGV for the moment.
Dropped Out: La Joya Palmview Lobos (1-3) W 21-14 Pace
Edinburg Bobcats v Robert Guerra Scoreboard
Guerra: 11 TDs (DNP last week)
Edinburg: 7 TDs (DNP last week)
