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Hero Bro Simulates 1000 Years In Football Manager

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Life takes too long. Every year, we have to wait and watch another team win a Superbowl or dominate an NBA Finals or whatever. We wait a whole off-season, analyze a draft, go through pre- then regular then post- seasons to wait for ANOTHER champion. Repeat. Too long of a wait.

That’s why God invented self-simulating video games. Genius and reddit user Lorf_Yimzo recently posted his report on what he’s calling “The Millennial Sim,” the end result after he simulated 1000 years on Football Manager.

From his report:

2000s: The first surprise of the sim, was Derby winning the Premier League in 2021 with Southampton coming in 3rd. They fell pretty quickly, but then a surprisingly dominant Stoke took over, trading titles with Man U and occasionally Newcastle. Coventry also had a dominant spell, winning 6 titles in 7 years. Arsenal and Burnley entered the mix as contenders as well as Nottingham Forest and Blackburn. The century ended with a very dominant Man U.

2100s: This century started with a very powerful Stoke, as they won 7 titles in a row as well as 14 titles in 17 years. Later, Burnley became dominant as the PL turned into a power struggle between the 2 teams. Newcomers West Brom and Barnsley also stole some titles, especially Barnsley, who won quite a few in the last couple decades.

2200s: With Stoke on the decline, a newcomer fills their spot: Sheffield United. They traded titles mostly with Man U, though later with Barnsley and Southend United. This century had no real dominance, as teams struggled to string titles together. Though teams such as MK Dons, Hull, and Plymouth came and went, the five big players were Sheffield, Arsenal, Barnsley, Southend, and Burnley.

2300s: Southend replaced Sheffield’s position of dominance, winning many titles early on. Cambridge, Chesterfield, and Hull were also contenders. 7 titles in a row marked an all-time high for Southend, as they hammered their opposition for the rest of the century, with occasional wins from Brighton, Barnsley, and Man City.

2400s: This century brought about Sunderland into relevance, who battled furiously with Southend, though small bouts of prowess from Sheffield, Man City, and Cambridge prodded them into relevance. Burnley also had a very good mid-century. Bristol Rovers, Reading, and Arsenal were also prominent late century.

2500s: This century started with battles between QPR, Burnley, and Southend for the title. Later, Plymouth, Tottenham, and Exeter were quite good, and even Barnsley was back. Sheffield tore up the PL mid-century including 8 titles in 9 seasons. A resurgent Arsenal ended the century.

2600s: This century followed similar to previous ones. Sheffield, Barnsley, Burnley, Southend, and Arsenal battled for the title, with occasional visits from other clubs into the top spot, including Sheffield Wednesday, Preston, Rotherham, and Plymouth. Later in the century, a dominant Crystal Palace won title after title, which amounted to 15 wins in 26 years.

2700s: Burnley started this century off with a bang, winning 7 in a row right off the bat. Burnley dominance continued with challenges from Plymouth, Liverpool, and Norwich. However Sheffield Utd. took their place with 10 titles in 11 seasons and ended the century in that way, along with wins from Brentford and Preston.

2800s: The 2800s, or the dark years as I call them, started with Sheffield Utd. and Rotherham being the only 2 title winners for 30 years straight. And who stopped them? Burnley, with 10 successive titles. Arsenal finally broke the bore spell, which brought in new face Bromley, as well as Maidstone and QPR.

2900s and 3000s: The last century starts with a feud between Bromley and Burnley, which is broken up by Rotherham. This battle continues through until a resurgent Hull gets in the way. This opens the door for Brentford, Ipswich, and Man City to become regular title contenders. The 3000s turn into a struggle between Brentford, Ipswich, and Nottingham Forest with the very last title ever going to Hull City.

Just..beautiful.

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