For those not in the know, the MLB All-Star Game, like all others, tacks on a day of rest after the game is played for players to travel back to their respective teams. Since Baseball is the only major sport being televised, we subsequently get one day where no major sporting competitions are aired. Thus, this July 15th will be…
The Day Without Sports. (cue *blood curling scream* here).
If you’re like me or any other normal human being, this day will come and go like any other. Like most people, I don’t spend EVERY day of my year watching sports. I mean, it’s baseball season for Christ’s sake; what psychopath is watching at least 1 game a day? Whoever that person is has bigger problems than July 15th. Don’t get me wrong, I love baseball, but God is it hard to watch sometimes, especially now that we have giants running around, colliding into each other on HD.
I give you my word that July 15th will come and pass like any other day, but for some reason, there’s always this collective national freak-out. Even Netflix thought to coin-in on our weaknesses, so goddamn you, Netflix. But here are my suggestions for what you can do this Wednesday:
1) The ESPYS – ESPN long ago thought that instead of sending out Keith Olbermann to practice masturbating on air that they’d decide to air the ESPYs instead. A better alternative if I’d say so myself. The ESPYs will be aired nationally on ABC for the first time, and to commemorate their first time broadcasting on national television, ESPN thought to do the “noble” thing and present the Arthur Ashe Award to Caitlyn Jenner. Not taking anything away from Caitlyn and for taking the courage of being scorned and laughed at by millions of ignorant people, but all of this feels like both a very VERY elaborate advertisement for her new reality show and a way for ESPN to cash in on the viewership she’s going to bring by simply showing up. Something about it all doesn’t feel very genuine. We also have to remember that she is bred from the reality star mold. The only Kardashian/Jenner’s of note are attorney Robert Kardashian and Caitlyn Jenner, who was a US Olympics hero as Bruce Jenner. Even then, at that, Robert Kadashian is an afterthought postmortem, and Caitlyn had to physically transform herself before anyone notice she even existed. Kaitlyn is bred from where, for some reason, Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, Kylie, Kendall, and some douche named Scott are all famous for simply existing. I hope I am wrong, but the The ESPN and Kaitlyn turned the ESPYs have already turned into a circus, so might as well sit down and watch the show.
2) Gold Cup – Mexico plays Trinidad & Tobago tonight at 7:30. Living in the RGV, some SOME part of you always wants Mexico to be somewhat successful, so I’m sure they’ll be airing this at a bar close to you. Here’s the thing with soccer that a lot of people don’t get. The game is NOT as long as you think. There are no commercial breaks other than halftime and the clock never stops rolling. You can, literally, set your watch as to when the game will be over and move on. None of this 30 minute-for-the-last-2-minutes of a basketball or football game. Shit’s done when the clock says it’s done.
3) WNBA – hmm..ok pass.
4) Scroll thru (insert social media site here) and stalk your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend. (SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT SHE LAAAAAWWWSSST!!)
5) Catch up on an episode you may have missed of True Detective.
6) Masturbate.
7) Work out. (ya’ bum)
Whatever you decide to do..do it for you and don’t let anyone rob you of this wonderful opportunity to do…something, anything..that comes but once a year.
