While we already have PLENTY of rankings of the top teams in the Valley from the Monitor, RGV Sports, (S)TD Dave, etc. the Bench Wire believes that EVERYONE needs their chance in the spotlight…even our comically terrible teams.
These are the RGV’s worst 5 teams of the week:
#5 Progreso Red Ants (1-2) – Holy shit. The entire Red Ants team woke up and decided to be fucking Tonka trucks last week, not to mention they’re quarterback supernova’d on Friday. Well, I’m going to give credit where credit’s due and say that if Hebbronville wasn’t in the middle of that great black void of nothingness that is the Kingsville area, they’d be 1 spot over Progreso. Snapping back to reality this Friday when Progreso gets ripped apart by La Feria.
#4 Brownsville Pace Vikings (0-3) – Bye week; still bad.
#3 Donna North Chiefs (0-3) – Bye week; still worse.
#2 Edinburg Bobcats (0-4) – You knew you couldn’t POSSIBLY fly under the radar THIS long, could you Edinburg? The Bobcats have the honor of being the RGVs first team to go 0-4. Not even our #1 team has done that yet, so kudos. Edinburg has been outscored 170 to 19, the 2nd worse point difference in the RGV. They made Mission..MISSION!! look like Oregon letting the Eagles hang up 49 points. There is, sincerely, no hope for the Bobcats this year. “Why doesn’t UTRGV have a football team?” Because we’re not exactly crawling with division I talent our here folks, and MyyyGawwwd, are our posterboy Bobcats sure proving that point.
#1 Pharr Oratory Ocelots (0-3) – So, I’ve just been informed that the Pharr Oratory mascot is the Ocelot. Funny, this isn’t the first time we’ve taken a shot at an Ocelot mascot before (and something tells me it won’t be the last either). Their first week defending their claim as the worst high school football team in the RGV, the Ocelots sure as shit didn’t disappoint. Oratory got hung out to dry against Brownsville St. Joseph’s (3-1) this passed weekend 65-8. They are now clocked at 183 points to 8, which calculates to around 23 points for every point they’ve scored. Mathematically, Pharr Oratory gives teams points for every first down they earn. Even Stephen Hawking wouldn’t be able to comprehend how the laws of physics, time, and logic are broken by how terrible this team is.
Lasara Lions (1-0)