Rants - Page 3

Rants about whatever

It’s Time For the Dallas Cowboys To End Their Season Already

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After losing their 5th straight game Sunday, a 13-12 loss to the struggling Seahawks, the Dallas Cowboys and their fans need to come to terms with the reality of their situation:

It’s time to pack it up and call it a season.
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Worst RGV High School Football Teams Week 3

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While we already have PLENTY of rankings of the top teams in the Valley from the Monitor, RGV Sports, (S)TD Dave, etc. the Bench Wire believes that EVERYONE needs their chance in the spotlight…even our comically terrible teams.

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Worst RGV High School Football Teams Week 2

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While we already have PLENTY of rankings of the top teams in the Valley from the Monitor, RGV Sports, (S)TD Dave, etc. the Bench Wire believes that EVERYONE needs their chance in the spotlight…even our comically terrible teams.

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The Truth Behind Cheating

Cheating on your girlfriend is like getting into a bathtub full of hot water.
You can’t just jump in. You have to ease your way in, step by step and you’d better take extra care when it reaches your genitals.

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Worst RGV High School Football Teams: Week 1

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While we already have PLENTY of rankings of the top teams in the Valley from the Monitor, RGV Sports, (S)TD Dave, etc. the Bench Wire believes that EVERYONE needs their chance in the spotlight…even our comically terrible teams.

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The Bench Wire 2015 NFL Preview

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IT’S HERE! When one off-season passes you think, “There’s no way next year can be just as bad.” The NFL, it’s players, it’s owners, are all gifts that continue to give all through the Spring and Summer as we wait for another season to kick off. From bloodied children to mass exoduses, the NFL off-season reminds us that some of these fast giants are weird fucking people. But none of it matters now.

it’s fucking go time.

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Who’s Ready For The Republican Debate Tonight?

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The stiff talking heads of the GOP will be on display on stage for the first time this election cycle and, by God, it’s gonna to be wonderful.

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Bad Ideas For When It’s Hot As Balls In The Valley

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It’s hot. You know this. I know this. Tim Smith can shove it. “Well, looks like it’s gonna be annuuuuuuther steamer outside!” Just stop. With weather like this, I don’t know how cool weather and lack of sunlight can make anyone depressed. I’m calling bullshit on seasonal affective disorder because I can not remember feeling better about my outlook on life, going outside to 100 degree heat and thinking “Gosh, I love how the suns rays are making my skin cry tears of joy ALL OVER my body! I LOVE you, my scorching hot devil ball of pain 🙂 🙂 ! ”

No.

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What To Do On The Day Without Sports

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For those not in the know, the MLB All-Star Game, like all others, tacks on a day of rest after the game is played for players to travel back to their respective teams. Since Baseball is the only major sport being televised, we subsequently get one day where no major sporting competitions are aired. Thus, this July 15th will be…

The Day Without Sports. (cue *blood curling scream* here).

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Sacramento Kings Fans, Please Fire Your Owner

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Chris Webber. Peja Stojakovic. Mike Bibby. Vlade Divak. To a 14 year-old Mavericks fan like I was, their names may as well had been Boogie-Man, Demon, Satan, and well…Vlade. THESE were the Sacramento Kings. Good for 100 a night, put your paycheck on it. I hated them. I hated them because they were GOOD. I hated how their fans would bang those stupid cowbells, and I hated that they couldn’t kill the Lakers when they had the chance.

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