Rants - Page 2

Rants about whatever

The Bench Wire Hater’s Guide To The Valley: Mercedes

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The Valley is one of a kind when it comes to diversity. From the racist white people, the country-wannabes, the ghetto Hispanics, the snobby Mexicans from Monterrey and the token black person in between. With all that diversity and culture mixing all over, visiting the Valley might be a little overwhelming. Not to worry, tourist: The Bench Wire is here to help.

We finally figured out where that smell was coming from. Welcome To Mercedes.

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The Bench Wire Hater’s Guide To The Monitor’s 2016 Choice Awards

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Bring out the red carpet and bust out our finest $9-est champagne! It’s the The Monitor’s 2016 Readers’ Choice Awards (breakfast banquet)! ALL the local big-wigs are here like the fresh cadaver running for congress and a giant dick from Hidalgo (maybe!). So strap-on that strap-on and get ready to get skull-fucked by the best of the best that the Valley has to offer! Keep Reading

The Bench Wire Hater’s Guide To The Valley: San Juan

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The Valley is one of a kind when it comes to diversity. From the racist white people, the country-wannabes, the ghetto Hispanics, the snobby Mexicans from Monterrey and the token black person in between. With all that diversity and culture mixing all over, visiting the Valley might be a little overwhelming. Not to worry, tourist: The Bench Wire is here to help.

There was an accident on the expressway, so we got off on I-Road, only to get stuck behind another 80-car pile-up on the frontage. Welcome to San Juan.

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Pharr’s New Indoor Smoking Ban (and The Monitor) Can Eat Dick

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Earlier this week, Pharr’s City Commission voted to ban indoor smoking in all public places including bars and restaurants and The Monitor’s editorial board ate that shit up.
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The Bench Wire Hater’s Guide To The Valley: Brownsville

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The Valley is one of a kind when it comes to diversity. From the racist white people, the country-wannabes, the ghetto Hispanics, the snobby Mexicans from Monterrey and the token black person in between. With all that diversity and culture mixing all over, visiting the Valley might be a little overwhelming. Not to worry, tourist: The Bench Wire is here to help.

We meant to drive to South Padre Island but missed the TX-100 exit and ended up in a 2nd world country instead. Welcome to Brownsville.
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The Bench Wire Hater’s Guide To The Valley: Donna

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The Valley is one of a kind when it comes to diversity. From the racist white people, the country-wannabes, the ghetto Hispanics, the snobby Mexicans from Monterrey and the token black person in between. With all that diversity and culture mixing all over, visiting the Valley might be a little overwhelming. Not to worry, tourist: The Bench Wire is here to help.
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Report: RGV Has The Poorest Counties In Texas

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In news that really isn’t news, those of us living in the Valley are really really poor. =(
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Can Vicente Gonzalez Get The Hell Out Of My Face Already?

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If you’ve driven anywhere in McAllen, you’ve probably noticed a cold rush of nerves fill up your spine; being chased by this nightmare feeling like you’re being stared at relentlessly by the eyes of a toothy mummy. Don’t worry; it’s not the work of some Indian demon curse, it’s just Vicente Gonzalez’ leather face getting implanted deep into your head over and over and over again!
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Fans from Dallas Are Either Hypocrites or Jerks

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Last night, the Mavericks played the Clippers in Dallas in their first match up against one another this season. Since most of us don’t live under a rock, you can imagine that last night’s game had a few more people keeping an eye on it after what was easily the strangest sports story this summer.
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