Advance News Journal Has A Lot Of Questions; No Answers, Apparently

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On my morning commute, I spotted a homeless man starting a fire underneath the underpass to warm himself from our recent cold front. His combustible material of choice? Wednesday’s edition of Advance News Journal of course! See, it actually burns much longer than most papers because it’s actually covered with shit. As I happened to spot the latest edition’s headlines, I nearly fell into an existential crisis; transported into a reality where a front cover of a (news)paper could ask so many questions and answer literally none of them.

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Nominate Me For 2017 RGV Citizen Of The Year (Or Don’t, Whatever)

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2017 RGV Citizen of the year

The Monitor is asking for nominations for RGV Citizen of the Year and, although we’ve had our run-ins, I’m sure The Monitor would gladly accept my nomination from you, my readers. Keep Reading

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RIP Gamehaus; McAllen Bar To Close By The End of The Month

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Gamehaus

According to an agreed judgment filed in Hidalgo County’s 332nd District Court, Gamehaus has agreed to cease operations after December 31st of this year, ending a nearly two-year long legal battle with the City of McAllen. Keep Reading

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The Bench Wire’s 2018 FIFA World Cup Preview

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The final draw for the 2018 World Cup was held this morning in Russia. Here are the matchups for the 2018 World Cup. Keep Reading

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RGV High School Football Playoffs: Valley Week Preview

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It’s late November and we’re now in the 3rd. round of the UIL high school football playoffs, commonly known all around Region IV, which includes Central and South Texas, as “Valley Week” or “Valley Weak” if you’re an asshole. The Bench Wire is here to preview all four games and gauge whether our guys have any shot at making it to the next round. Keep Reading

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Brad Stevens Is The Heir Apparent To Gregg Popovich

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brad stevens

Of all of Danny Ainge’s bold moves as his reign as longtime Boston Celtics GM: triggering the trades that landed Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen as the NBA first successfully manufactured superteam, stockpiling draft picks that have turned into promising young all-stars in Jaylen Brown and Jayson Tatum, trading for Isaiah Thomas and subsequently trading him after 3 wildly successful seasons for Kyrie Irving, and signing all-star free agents Al Horford and Gordon Harward – if these moves are the gold trappings of Ainge’s legacy, the Brad Stevens coaching hire is the marble that his statue will be built with. Keep Reading

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manu ginobili

Manu Ginobili Was a Wizard

With the announcement of his retirement earlier today, it’s easy to assume that Manu Ginobili’s professional career will mostly be

Nobody, Not Even Roy Moore’s Accusers, Will Win

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At the time of this writing, former Alabama Supreme Court Justice and Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore stands accused of sexual misconduct from five different women and when the dust finally settles, everybody including the GOP, Moore, his accusers, other victims of sexual assault, the voters, will have all lost. Keep Reading

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Univision and Vicente Gonzalez Fucked Up Royally; Claimed Church Killer Was 4Chan Meme

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US Rep Vicente Gonzalez

In the wake of Sunday morning’s tragedy where a gunman opened fire during a morning service at First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs, Texas, killing 26 men, women, and children, news outlets sought reactions of various congressmen to help fill in airtime. In this instance, While Univision had first-year representative, and known Popeyes distributor, Vicente Gonzalez on a live telecast, Univision’s anchor broke the news to the world, and unsuspecting Gonazlez, that the killer was none other than Sam Hyde. Keep Reading

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The Bench Wire Hater’s Guide To The Valley: Hidalgo

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haters guide to the valley hidalgo

The Valley is one of a kind when it comes to diversity. From the racist white people, the country-wannabes, the ghetto Hispanics, the snobby Mexicans from Monterrey and the token black person in between. With all that diversity and culture mixing all over, visiting the Valley might be a little overwhelming. Not to worry, tourist: The Bench Wire is here to help.

We got pulled over for going 29 on a 30. Welcome to Hidalgo.

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