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The Bench Wire Hater’s Guide To The Valley: Mission

Published on December 30, 2020December 30, 2020
Rants/RGV
the bench wires haters guide to the valley mission

The Valley is one of a kind when it comes to diversity. From the racist white people, the country-wannabes, the ghetto Hispanics, the snobby Mexicans from Monterrey and the token black person in between. With all that diversity and culture mixing all over, visiting the Valley might be a little overwhelming. Not to worry, tourist: The Bench Wire is here to help.

We took a trip to Mile 5 for some tacos and all we got was a mouthful of disappointment. Welcome To Mission.

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ex mission mayor norberto beto salinas

Mission Ex-Mayor Beto Salinas Vs. New Mayor Gets A Trial; Will Be A Shitshow

A trial date has been set for September 24th for a lawsuit filed back on July 18th by Ex-Mayor of

haters guide to the valley hidalgo

The Bench Wire Hater’s Guide To The Valley: Hidalgo

The Valley is one of a kind when it comes to diversity. From the racist white people, the country-wannabes, the

Haters guide to the valley pharr

The Bench Wire Hater’s Guide To The Valley: Pharr

The Valley is one of a kind when it comes to diversity. From the racist white people, the country-wannabes, the

Let’s Welcome The NBA’s Newest Team: The Tampa Bay Raptors Because 2020!

Published on November 20, 2020November 20, 2020
Sports

Ok, so maybe not technically a “new team” but the NBA and the Toronto Raptors have officially announced that the team will start the season by playing their home games in Tampa Bay instead of Toronto, due to Canada’s current restrictions on travel that would have made playing games against US-based teams almost impossible.

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There’s Literally Only One Path Left For LeBron To Be The GOAT

After playing 18 seasons in the NBA, there really isn’t much left to discuss. Cutting through the opinions about his

manu ginobili

Manu Ginobili Was a Wizard

With the announcement of his retirement earlier today, it’s easy to assume that Manu Ginobili’s professional career will mostly be

brad stevens

Brad Stevens Is The Heir Apparent To Gregg Popovich

Of all of Danny Ainge’s bold moves as his reign as longtime Boston Celtics GM: triggering the trades that landed

According To The #1 Recruit in The Country, No—Texas Football Is Definitely Not Back

Published on November 20, 2020November 20, 2020
Sports

Quinn Ewers, Southlake Carroll (TX) High School’s all-world quarterback, has announced his intent to sign with the Ohio State Buckeyes over the in-state Texas Longhorns after initially committing to Texas earlier this year, firmly burying the notion that Texas Longhorns football is of any consequence anymore.

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Texas Longhorns the eyes of texas

Committee: School Song ‘The Eyes of Texas’ “Intent…Was Not Overtly Racist”

A committee commissioned by the University of Texas – Austin in November 2020 to explore the history and potential racial

Let’s Watch Georgia’s Sony “PlayStation” Michel End Oklahoma’s Season Last Night

During last night’s thriller of a Rose Bowl, the Georgia Bulldogs came back from 17 down in the first half

Coach Art Briles Has Been Fired By Baylor

According to a press release by the university, Baylor has fired Coach Art Briles, demoted President Ken Starr (although there

Let’s See How We Did On Our Election Predictions

Published on November 9, 2020December 30, 2020
The News

Tuesday afternoon, we posted our predictions for election night and, ultimately, the outcome of the election.

We got a few things right, but let’s start off with what we got wrong.

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Let’s Rate The McAllen City Election Campaign Signs

It’s campaign season in McAllen, which means your eyes get to be polluted by all sorts of campaign signs in

The Bench Wire’s 2020 Election Night Predictions

Well, we’ve finally made it to, quite possibly, the most anticipated showdown in political history. Even with states being polled

richard molina mayor of edinburg

Either The City of Edinburg Is Really This Corrupt Or Really Fucking Stupid

If you haven’t heard, Edinburg Mayor Richard Molina and his wife Dalia have been charged with several counts of illegal

The Bench Wire’s 2020 Election Night Predictions

Published on November 3, 2020November 3, 2020
The News

Well, we’ve finally made it to, quite possibly, the most anticipated showdown in political history. Even with states being polled to death, there’s still a lot of questions left to be answered. Will Vice President Joe Biden defeat President Trump? Will Trump defy the polls and become re-elected to a 2nd term? Will they make out? WHO KNOWS?!?!

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Let’s See How We Did On Our Election Predictions

Tuesday afternoon, we posted our predictions for election night and, ultimately, the outcome of the election. We got a few

Trump McAllen

What The Fuck Was That?

Long ago, I worked for a large corporate chain (let’s just assume that I was a janitor) and I remember

Gregg Popovich

Butthurt Pro-Trump Spurs Fans Mad At Popovich For Having Opinions

Between the Kawhi Leonard’s injury and the subsequent public fallout between Leonard and the rest of the franchise, the plague

Dak Prescott Bet Everything On Himself And Tragically Lost

Published on October 12, 2020October 12, 2020
Sports

Last summer, with the NFL season still up in the air, negotiations suddenly stalled between Dallas Cowboys quarterback, Dak Prescott and the Cowboys front office general managers/owners, Stephen and Jerry Jones. In the face of increasing scrutiny as to whether Prescott was even worth a record-setting deal, Dak’s camp moved to play on a 1-year, $31.4 million franchise tag, betting on himself to prove his worth this year under a new coach and immense expectations.

Now, with Prescott’s devastating injury he suffered on Sunday, his dreams of a record-setting deal may have just dissipated.

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Sure Sounds Like Cole Beasley Does Not Want To Play For The Dallas Cowboys Anymore

Dallas Cowboys WR Cole Beasley, who will become a free agent this off-season, recently took to Twitter to call out

Dez Bryant

Dallas Cowboys Release Dez Bryant

Career Dallas Cowboys WR Dez Bryant has been released from the team Friday according to ESPN’s Todd Archer.

Writers Need To Stop Preaching To The NFL To Be The Moral Police

On Monday, Drew Magary wrote an article for GQ criticizing the NFL for dragging their feet investigating Ezekiel Elliott’s alleged

Trump Accuses Biden Of Taking PEDs – Calls For Drug Tests Before Tuesday’s Debate

Published on September 27, 2020September 27, 2020
The News

In today’s episode of “we’re living in the worst timeline,” President Donald Trump took to Twitter this morning, I’d imagine before taking in a sermon on Corinthians part 2, to call for presidential nominee Joe Biden to commit to taking a drug test before or after the first presidential debate to be held on Tuesday because 2020.

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There’s Absolutely No Way In Hell That James Harden Is Following Mike D’Antoni To The 76ers

Published on September 26, 2020
RGV
d'antoni james harden

After yet another disappointing postseason for both the Philadelphia 76’ers and the Houston Rockets, both organizations have (mercifully for 76ers’ fans) finally let go of both of their respective coaches, which means Mike D’Antoni has become, yet again for absolutely no reason, the hottest name on the coaching carousel. It’s been reported that D’Antoni is already a shoo-in for the Sixers vacancy, however more intriguingly, there’s also been rumors flying around that Houston guard James Harden might join him and I’m here to end this nonsense once and for all.

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Fat, Ugly Sportswriter Jason Whitlock Is Calling Out ESPN’s Katie Nolan and Maria Taylor’s “Beauty Privilege”

Published on September 22, 2020September 22, 2020
Sports

Sports TV personality and sad sack of expired hamburger meat Jason Whitlock took a small break from lording over the criminal underworld of Tatooine to shit out a diarrhea of a take and call out ESPN’s Katie Nolan and Maria Taylor for using their “beauty privilege” in lieu of talent to acquire lucrative jobs at the world-wide network.

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Staff Working At DHR’s COVID Facility Expose Abhorrent Patient Conditions, Negligent Deaths

Published on July 20, 2020July 20, 2020
RGV/The News

Nurses and staff working at the Doctor’s Hospital at Renaissance COVID facility in Edinburg have come forward to shed a light on the abhorrent patient conditions in the make-shift facility that include PPE being hidden from staff, ants crawling all over incapacitated patients, corpses in non-air conditioned rooms next to medical equipment, and at least one incident where a patient died after he suffered from hypoxia when staff accidentally attempted to provide him with oxygen on an empty tank.

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