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Who’s Ready For The Republican Debate Tonight?

Published on August 6, 2015August 6, 2015
Rants/The News
republican debate 2016 trump

The stiff talking heads of the GOP will be on display on stage for the first time this election cycle and, by God, it’s gonna to be wonderful.

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Valley Congressman Vicente Hernandez Compares Hispanic Trump Supporters as “Jews for Hitler”

US Congressman Vicente Gonzalez, a Valley Democrat, compared Hispanic Trump supporters to “Jews for Hitler,” during an interview in a

Biden To Visit Brownsville Thursday – Unconfirmed For Charro Days

The New York Times is reporting that President Joe Biden will be meeting with border patrol agents, law enforcement and

Let’s See How We Did On Our Election Predictions

Tuesday afternoon, we posted our predictions for election night and, ultimately, the outcome of the election. We got a few

Announced: Floyd Mayweather vs. Andre Berto

Published on August 4, 2015November 21, 2019
Sports
mayweather berto

Floyd Mayweather announced via Facebook that he will face Andre Berto on September 12th at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas.

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Weslaco’s Omar Figueroa Suffers Second Straight TKO – Announces Retirement

After eight rounds of punishment, Omar Figueroa’s corner had seen enough and ended his 140-pound title eliminator bout against Sergey

It’s Over For Manny Pacquiao, For Real This Time

One of boxing’s greatest careers may have finally come to a close. Eight-division world champion, Manny Pacquiao, 42, took a

mikey garcia facebook hack

Boxer Mikey Garcia’s Facebook Was Hacked And Now It’s 100% Hardcore Porn (NSFW – Obviously)

Lightweight boxer Mikey Garcia’s official Facebook page should be full of promotions about his upcoming fight against Welterweight Errol Spence

Hero Bro Simulates 1000 Years In Football Manager

Published on August 4, 2015August 4, 2015
Sports
chelsea football manager

Life takes too long. Every year, we have to wait and watch another team win a Superbowl or dominate an NBA Finals or whatever. We wait a whole off-season, analyze a draft, go through pre- then regular then post- seasons to wait for ANOTHER champion. Repeat. Too long of a wait.

That’s why God invented self-simulating video games. Genius and reddit user Lorf_Yimzo recently posted his report on what he’s calling “The Millennial Sim,” the end result after he simulated 1000 years on Football Manager.

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The Bench Wire’s 2018 FIFA World Cup Preview

The final draw for the 2018 World Cup was held this morning in Russia. Here are the matchups for the

RGV Soccer La Joya Juarez Lincoln

Ranking The Remaining RGV Boys Soccer Teams

Disclaimer: All team records and stats were retrieved from MaxPreps.com. They may or may not be accurate but our sports

Miguel Herrera Fired As Mexico National Soccer Team Coach

Published on July 28, 2015
Sports

Miguel Herrera has been fired as coach of the Mexican National Soccer Team for punching some journalist dude in the neck on Sunday.

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ricardo ferretti

Mexico Names Tigres Ricardo Ferretti Interim Coach

The Mexican national soccer team has named current UANL Tigres coach and human brillo pad Ricardo “Tuca” Ferretti as interim

the day without sports

What To Do On The Day Without Sports

For those not in the know, the MLB All-Star Game, like all others, tacks on a day of rest after

VIDEO: Tom Brady Smashing Phone With Ballghazi Scandal Evidence

Published on July 28, 2015July 28, 2015
Sports

Video exclusively obtained by The Bench Wire CLEARLY shows Tom Brady and Bill Belichick SMASHING their phones to rid them of ballghazi evidence, quite possibly while they were both high. As it’s been reported, the NFL has upheld Brady’s original 4 game suspension. Hulk smashing evidence couldn’t have helped.

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the bench wire haters guide to the 2021 nfl draft first round

The Bench Wire’s Hater’s Guide to the First Round of the 2021 NFL Draft

The First Round of the 2021 NFL Draft is airing tonight live from LeBron’s ex-toilet. Will the 49ers select Mac

deshaun watson lawsuit

Every Sexual Harassment Suit Filed Against Deshuan Watson (Updated)

Houston Texans all-world quarterback, Deshaun Watson has been named as a defendant in 13 different lawsuits brought by 16 different

Colin Kaepernick, Eric Reid and NFL Settle Collusion Lawsuits

Colin Kaepernick’s attorney, Mark Geragos, announced that the collusion lawsuits, brought by Kaepernick and Eric Reid against the NFL for

Bad Ideas For When It’s Hot As Balls In The Valley

Published on July 28, 2015June 22, 2017
Rants/RGV
rgv valley hot sun

It’s hot. You know this. I know this. Tim Smith can shove it. “Well, looks like it’s gonna be annuuuuuuther steamer outside!” Just stop. With weather like this, I don’t know how cool weather and lack of sunlight can make anyone depressed. I’m calling bullshit on seasonal affective disorder because I can not remember feeling better about my outlook on life, going outside to 100 degree heat and thinking “Gosh, I love how the suns rays are making my skin cry tears of joy ALL OVER my body! I LOVE you, my scorching hot devil ball of pain 🙂 🙂 ! ”

No.

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The Valley Isn’t Growing Anymore And It’s All The Millennials’ Fault

Leadership Resource Group, a single person consulting company based in McAllen, compiled public data from the US Census Bureau that

San Juan Officer JP Galindo

San Juan Cop Gets To Keep His Job After Kneeing A Guy In The Crotch

An independent arbitrator has ruled in favor of San Juan police officer JP Galindo after he was suspended and subsequently

Javier Villarreal

Casino Bus Crash Victims Won’t Be Compensated Because Two Attorneys Made Dick Moves

From a story published by Kristian Hernandez of The Monitor this morning, most of the victims of the casino bus

How Madden Comes Up With Player Ratings

Published on July 27, 2015July 28, 2015
Sports
madden

Over at FiveThirtyEight, they have a pretty neat profile of Donny Moore, ratings god of Madden games.

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madden seattle seahawks new england patriots

Madden Trolls Seattle Seahawks With Brutal Tweet

Every year, a month or so before the game is release, Madden teases it’s cult following by releasing the roster

Madden Trolls Seattle Seahawks With Brutal Tweet

Published on July 23, 2015
Sports
madden seattle seahawks new england patriots

Every year, a month or so before the game is release, Madden teases it’s cult following by releasing the roster for their upcoming release. The Seattle Seahawks thought that human terminator and running back Marshawn Lynch got jipped on his “trucking” rating.
–

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madden

How Madden Comes Up With Player Ratings

Over at FiveThirtyEight, they have a pretty neat profile of Donny Moore, ratings god of Madden games.

Space Jam 2 Watch: LeBron James & Warner Bros. Sign Deal

Published on July 22, 2015
The News
Space Jam 2

SPACE JAM 2 IS COMING YOU GUYS!!!!!!ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod!!!

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There’s Literally Only One Path Left For LeBron To Be The GOAT

After playing 18 seasons in the NBA, there really isn’t much left to discuss. Cutting through the opinions about his

USA Women’s Basketball Loses To Canada or Why Is Our Hat Playing Basketball?

Published on July 21, 2015July 21, 2015
Sports
Canada Pan Am Games Basketball

The USA Women’s Basketball team lost to Canada 81-73 last night making it the 2nd Gold medal game in a row that our countrymen have lost to the wild-lings north of the wall. Before we start freaking out, let me put this in better prospective. Again, for those of you not in the know, the Pan-Am games are going on in Toronto? Edmonton? Vancouver? Yeah…maybe it’s Vancouver. Anyway, also take note that none of our national teams are exactly our “A-Teams” since pro sports leagues are actually being played out right now. But still..it sucks to lose at anything to our annoyingly polite hat.

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john wall sad

John Wall Is The Saddest Man

Team USA wrapped up their minicamp in Las Vegas last week to prep for the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio

canada usa baseball pan american games

Canada Beats USA Baseball or Why Is Our Hat Playing Baseball?

For those not in the know, and why would you be(?), the 2015 Pan American games are happening. Right now.

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