JD

OK, We Gotta Stop Using “Latinx” Already

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While perusing through Deadspin this morning, I stumbled across an article posted on Splinter News (a sister site to Deadspin and Gizmodo) yesterday titled “Ted Cruz Continues His Perfect Streak of Brutal Self-Owns“. The article covers Cruz’ recent ad that’s basically a terribly written country jingle that pokes fun at his opponent, Congressman Beto O’Rourke’s nickname “Beto.”

The article was reading fine if not more slanted than usual, when I suddenly heard a short sharp shriek in my head when I came across this sentence:  Keep Reading

Javier Villalobos, City of Donna Attorney, Re-Affirms That Donna Is A Dump

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javier villalobos

In a video posted on McAllen attorney Javier Villalobos’ city commissioner campaign Facebook page, Villalobos responded to his opponent (who is still running the strangest campaign in recent memory who is now, apparently, the “voice for the animals“) Tim Wilkins’ suggestions that Villalobos’ current position as an attorney for the City of Donna would potentially be a conflict, being that he would be representing the interests of two different municipalities. In response to Wilkins’ suggestions, much like our favorite billionaire boi did to Brownsville a few weeks ago, Villalobos made quick work to re-affirm to all of us that Donna is, indeed, a shithole. Keep Reading

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Clayton’s Owner, Clayton Brashear, Defends Booking Child Sex Offender Tekashi69; Is a Shitbag

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Like most people, I tend to stay away from SPI during spring break simply because I don’t want to contract gonorrhea. I also avoid Clayton’s as much as possible because $10 for an ass-can margarita and a bullshit $5 “cooler charge” to access the beach behind their building (when they closed off the access to the side of their building) doesn’t quite do it for me. So, when I think about Clayton’s owner (whom I’ve never actually met) I imagine a shitbag who would do anything to squeeze out another dollar. I also, however, try to give people the benefit of the doubt (maybe he isn’t a bag of shit?).

However, after the widespread backlash Clayton’s had received for booking a known child sex offender in Tekashi69 this Spring Break, and Clayton’s subsequent moronic defense of his booking, it’s safe to say that Clayton Brashear is, in fact, the shitbag I thought he was all along. Keep Reading

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Congratulations, Brownsville. You Are The Unhealthiest City In America

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brownsville

Yesterday, WalletHub released the findings of their study of the healthiest cities in the United States, comparing the top 174 most populated U.S. cities among metrics such as access to affordable healthcare, fruit and vegetable consumption, and fitness clubs per capita. In true Brownsville fashion, the oft-forgotten residents who only pop back into our memory once something goes (and it always does) terribly wrong for them, found themselves ranked dead last in the Wallethub rankings claiming the title as America’s Unhealthiest City. Keep Reading

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Even Elon Musk Knows That Nobody Actually Lives In Brownsville

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elon musk brownsville

Elon Musk, billionaire boy who just tripped balls after having launched a God-damn car into space, took a minute to completely shit all over the non-existent people who live (or don’t?) just a few miles over in the outskirts of Brownsville. Keep Reading

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The Bench Wire’s 2018 NFL Playoffs Preview (Wildcard Round)

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2018 NFL Playoffs Preview Wildcard

The playoffs are here and it’s HIGHLY likely that your team’s season is over. BUT there are still a lot of great games and great matchups to look forward to for the next month.

Your best drinking buddies at The Bench Wire are here to give you our amazingly insightful look into the playoffs so that you actually sound like you know what the hell you’re talking about at your friend’s BBQ this weekend.

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McAllen’s Tim Wilkins Is Running One Weird Campaign

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Tim Wilkins McAllen

A little after McAllen City Commissioner Richard Cortez announced that he would be running for the vacant Hidalgo County Judge seat against Eloy Pulido, three candidates have thrown their name into the ring to step in and replace Cortez; none of which have had a more bat-shit campaign than Tim Wilkins.  Keep Reading

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KGBT Channel 4 ValleyCentral Is Running A Story That Is Basically An Ad

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KGBT, Channel 4, ValleyCentral.com

If you peruse through ValleyCentral.com, you’ll notice that one of their latest stories is headlined “Southwest Airlines offering flights as low as $59,” which, on its face may be newsworthy, but once you click on the link, the post is void of any journalistic input and kinda looks like a paid advertisement. Keep Reading

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Let’s Watch Georgia’s Sony “PlayStation” Michel End Oklahoma’s Season Last Night

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During last night’s thriller of a Rose Bowl, the Georgia Bulldogs came back from 17 down in the first half to beat the Oklahoma Sooners in what would be Baker “The Crotch” Mayfield’s last game in double overtime. Keep Reading

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Let’s Photoshop Hidalgo County Commissioner Joseph Palacios’ Weird Campaign Sign

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Hidalgo County Commissioner for Pct. 4, Joseph Palacios, is running for re-election and I can’t NOT look at his severely awkward campaigns signs. Keep Reading

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